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October 29, 2003
the problem with psychic man
the following is a representation of 4 hours of ongoing argument last friday night with psychic man:
"this is not right!" psychicman is very spirited in his approach.
"john, please give it a rest. this is tiresome." i plead.
"i trust your judgment. but how can you continue to be friends with those two idiots? after what they did to you?"
"i don't want to defend R&J. this entire mess is exhausting. but they've apologize. no harm was done. no one was hurt. i'm perfectly healthy."
"they're bad news."
"i have to move on. give it a rest." i plead again.
*****
my friday evening started on a high note. had dinner with co-workers. it wasn't until after 10pm that i met up with my heterosexual friend, psychic man. it was his birthday weekend. he turned 32 on sunday. i love hanging out with this guy. he's a fun-loving alpha male who doesn't have any hangups with hanging out in the village. we have been through a lot of shit together year after year.
psychic man has this uncanny ability where he can talk to anyone about anything. this talent is the very same reason why i am always weary when we go out. my hesitation is heightened when i know our destination is either a club or a bar. he gets really fucked up when he drinks. he's not afraid of confrontation. trouble is never far. but, it is his birthday weekend, so i will be wherever he wants me to be. trouble and what not.
right off the bat, psychic man was already high on something when i met up with him. he also had a light beer buzz. uh-oh. bad combo. we were joined by another friend of his, salsa dancer, a beautiful spanish-filipino dance teacher. i took both of them to woody's about three weeks ago actually. she recently came out of an abusive relationship. (what is it with beautiful women attaching themselves to abusive losers?)
i was relieved when psychic man said he wasn't in the mood to go to a club. he wanted to lay low and have a relaxing evening at the living well. psychic man was intent on talking about R&J. i wasn't, especially in front of salsa dancer. but he kept persisting. he's not happy with the fact that i'm talking to R&J again. (i will go in detail about R&J, but that is a separate post altogether). althrough the evening, psychic man is constant in voicing out his displeasure.
around 3am, despite psychic man's bid to party 'til the wee hours of the morning, i said my goodbyes. by this time, he was drunk, while i was mentally and physically exhausted. this is how we parted:
psychic man counsels me one more time regarding R&J. "drop those guys."
"john, let's not talk about it anymore." i give psychic man and salsa dancer a hug.
off i go. just then, psychic man signals me to come a little closer. "one more thing."
i have made about three paces towards my apartment. "john, i know what you're going to say. i've had enough"
"i don't want you to see them anymore."
"john, no more. i'm going home." i shake my head. tsk tsk tsk.
"hey! listen to me." psychic man grabs my shoulder. i resist. i turn myself towards home, but he grabs my shoulder again. this time, he wasn't letting go. feeling threatened, i had to quickly recall what i learned in self-defense class. in the struggle, i heard something rip on my jacket. i ignore it as i start walking away. psychic man shouts and eventually runs after me. i kept walking faster. "what the hell, man?"
"john, i'm tired. please, i don't want to hear anymore of this. you'd never understand what gay men go through. please leave me alone. i'm exhausted."
psychic man grabs my arm. in turn, a defense mechanism triggered in me as i yelled: "don't touch me!"
he backs off as i continue to walk away in silence.
*****
i appreciate psychicman's concern. he's a great friend. in a metaphorical sense, he carried my anger for me. it was a lot to carry. i didn't ask him to do this, but that's what friends do. looking back, his anger contrasting the ho-hum reaction from my gay friends regarding R&J gave me perspective in dealing with my little R&J situation.
i called him on sunday: "happy birthday."
"thanks, man." he seemed hesitant to talk. "what was up with you the other night?"
"john, i'm sorry. you scared the shit out of me."
"i'm sorry man."
"you grabbed me so hard."
"really?"
"i'm fine. no harm done. let's just forget about what happened. deal?" i say to him.
"deal." he agrees.
forgive and forget. that's what friends do.
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