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July 07, 2003
the weekend of content & discontent
FRIDAY: a story of heartbreak
my weekend started off surprisingly low-key despite taking my new roomate to the norah jones concert. the concert ended at 10:30 and i was in bed by 11:30. roomie was in bed by 11pm. it was awkward taking him and i think i've made a wrong decision.
trying to get to know roomie felt forced, and he knew this too. nevertheless, he said yes and seemed genuinely interested in accompanying me. but the results were far from stellar in terms of any type of conversation i had hoped for. i know it takes time to get to know someone. i took the initiative, it but it should go both ways. he has to take the effort to get to know me as well. he wasn't being antisocial, it's just that the chemistry was way off.
walking home after the concert, we had a brief argument. i commented that while the audience was mixed, the majority were people my age (in their twenties). he strongly disagreed stating that the crowd was full of people in their forties. really? i was in disbelief. he didn't seem to notice the slew of single young girls present on our way out. but he was adamant in proving himself right. so i let it go. i'm not in an arguing mood. there's other things in my mind.
yes, there were a couple sitting beside dan who would be in their forties and another couple sitting in front. however, the entire two rows behind us were young'uns. i even had an eight year old child sitting on my right. the 22-year old norah jones became a big sensation because she was able to cater her brand of jazz to the younger crowd and that's who was present at the soldout show.
other than that, the concert was just okay. norah jones was charismatic and has a lovely voice. the fact that she sounded like she did on the cd is a wonderful testament to her as a vocalist. her songs started to sound the same after awhile. despite this, there were very high points within the concert. one of them occured when she was alone on her piano singing 'the nearness of you'.
it was a very difficult concert to sit through. i was constantly reminded of make-up muscle. i was teary-eyed. at different points, i was emotionally lifted by the music . but then i come back to earth because i can't share it with someone i have strong feelings for. i look to my left, and i find roomie, who is essentially still a stranger in my life.
i was devastated after the concert. and i can't express how lonely i felt.
i was heartbroken.
i went home. got to bed. i don't want to think too much. so i decided to sleep it off. tomorrow will be another day. another chance. it's up to me to make it beautiful.
SATURDAY: an example in moving on
loneliness. what a wonderful feeling.
i woke up before 8am. it was indeed another beautiful sunny day. the loneliness had dissipated. i haven't fully unpacked from moving in last monday. i've been on-the-go everyday, with volunteer work among other things. and i had no intention of spending my time indoors (other than going to the gym in the morning, and watching Wimbledon finals afterwards).
the toronto street festival was out and about, i went up and down yonge street with the cynic. we had lunch and went to canadian tire. i spontaneously bought myself a ceiling fan. woo hoo. i had no desire to see terminator 3: the rise of the machines that evening with paul and his friends. i went because i was trying to busy myself and stay away from the heartbreak the night earlier.
afterwards, i met up with militaryman (not my roomate) at woody's and spent the entire night at his place in his arms. it was very comforting. i felt safe.
SUNDAY: friends help you move on
i woke up with the sun shining in the bedroom. militaryman was still beside me. he hasn't left me all night. i thought he would move to the masterbedroom to sleep beside stephen. i went down to the dining room to find financeman reading the newspaper. i gave him a big hug from the back and he was pleasantly surprised to find me there. i thought he already knew i slept over. [btw, financeman i like your technique. wink wink.]
i spend the entire day with R&J strolling all over yonge and church street. it was very hot, and so we retreated to the zipperz patio for a couple of hours. dan & steve also asked me to stay for dinner again and as usual, another mouth-savouring dinner. the menu: appetizers - skewered barbequed shimps. entree was two-inch thick barbequed steaks, ceasar salad, and lemon cake for dessert. mmmm.
MONDAY: miscellaneous thoughts
R&J: thank you. i appreciate you saying that you want my happiness and you won't interfere.
medical girl: it's about time you've updated your blog. call me when you're in TO. we'll go out & party and we'll have a blast!
polish sausage: i'm glad i finally managed to do something to help you. i'm here for ya anytime. :)
the cynic: should i go to montreal for pride with you? am i gonna have fun on my own or will i be babysitting you?
today is my dog, Spud's anniversary. i'm looking forward to seeing him. i'm coming home to my parents' for an overnight visit. whatever happened to the loneliness i was feeling? if i see you sometime today, i will put you aside.
soundtrack: 'where are you now' by janet jackson. [ lyrics ] this song reminds me of a particular someone. like the lyrics: where is he now? does he still think of me? or does his heart belong to someone else?
movie: 'terminator 3: rise of the machines'. arnie is back. so is claire danes. surprisingly, a standard and short SFX movie (barely 90 minutes) - essentially one long extended chase scene. i was somewhat bored. story development is minimal until the end. no recommendation from me.
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